Die Young
by jonzey
Summary: Rimmer's Shining Hour. To Save his ship, or cower behind a box... PLEASE R
1. Chapter 1: Every Dog Has His Day

As Rimmer ran through the disintegrating halls of Red Dwarf, his mind was running faster than Lister after curry night. Holding the formula of the chemical for what he thought was the antidote, he felt that he must find someone or something that could help him make the formula that the Cat in the Parallel Universe gave him that would stop the disintegration of the ship. The Cat, was actually smart in that universe, and gave Rimmer a formula called "Soliciumfrankolithicmixyalebidiumrixydixydoxydexydroxide."

While running he heard the yelling of the service dispenser. Of which he had ripped off earlier, by stealing a chocolate crispy bar from. "Where are you going?" asked the machine.  
Rimmer shook the paper in front of the machine, "To make up the formula!"  
"I think you'll find that the formula on that paper has now turned into the formula for the virus, because you've left the mirror universe, so it's turned back into its opposite - ha ha ha haa haaaa!" exclaimed the dispensing machine, happily laughing at the thought of Rimmer's demise. Rimmer looked down at the piece of paper in his hands, and with a look of desperation he read the formula. It looked nothing like what the Cat had given him.

His mind raced, hoping that he would be able to find a way to get back into the other world, somehow, think of a way that he could transfer the formula manually to his universe and fix the ship. He sprinted back into the quarters where the machine made for transferring universes was. His hopes faded. The machine had disintegrated. He ran back to the dispenser.

"Smeg, you're right! This is a disaster!" a panicked Rimmer said looking everywhere to see if there was something, anywhere that could save him.  
"No, there still could be a happy ending." said the machine bluntly.  
Rimmer thought that anything that the dispenser said wouldn't help his chances, but asked anyway. "How?"  
"You know that chocolate bar you still owe me for? You could always pay me  
back before you snuff it." The dispenser bluntly said, feeling that he could rub it into Rimmer's face before the ship disintegrated beyond repair.  
Annoyed, Rimmer asked, "How's that a happy ending?"  
Knowing that his life was at an end, and knowing that if this didn't happen, his life would have no meaning he replied, "Well, it's a happy ending for me. At least my totals will tally." Now, Rimmer was really smegged off. His life was near an end and his only company was a neurotic dispenser who was obsessed with his totals. "Why don't you smegging-well smeg off, you annoying little smeggy smegging smegger!"

Behind him, the remains of the universe transferer exploded, setting alight an inferno that was quickly spreading. His mind raced even faster, knowing that time was running out. He ran for cover while looking for his crewmates, entering an unlit corridor. Unknown to Rimmer though, all his shipmates had crossed over into the mirror world looking for him. Still, Rimmer looked. His heart pounding. His mind running faster than the time it took Lister to choose between eating a Pot Noodle or Dog Food. Everyone knew Lister would choose the dog food.

The Dispenser took aim, loaded a can into his release mechanism and powered up  
"Every dog has its day, and today's the day..." while launching a can of drink.  
It hit Rimmer in the back of the head. "...that I'm the dog!"  
Rimmer fell to the ground; the pain of the can immense. You wouldn't think that a can would do that much damage. But it did.

As he fell to the ground, Rimmer felt he had a flicker of hope. But something horrible had happened. He looked up and with a feeling of horror and fear, saw the paper in flames. With a conceding sigh the only thing Rimmer could say was, "Smeg." Soon his whole body would resign itself to the flames. The air was thin and getting hotter, and he could hardly keep the breath in his body. He let go of the burning page and let it burn, knowing his time was up.

He saw a foot wearing a sandal stomp on the paper, putting the fire out. Rimmer gradually looked up to see a shadowy figure in a black robe, holding a scythe.  
"Arnold Judas Rimmer. Your life is over. Come with me." The figure said in a booming voice while extending a hand. Rimmer grabbed the hand and pulled himself up. The figure continued, "We will travel to the River Styx, where you will place a coin in the -"  
"Not today, matey!" Rimmer interrupted, swiftly kneed the shadow in the groin and ran off with a spring in his step. In pain, the shadow barley managed to say, "That's never happened before..." before collapsing onto the deck.

Kneeing death in the balls gave Rimmer a new hope. He had foiled death's plans in taking him away. "If death is on the ground in pain, I can't die then!" Rimmer thought. He jumped into one of the nearby fires and felt immense pain. He rolled out, and then rolled on the floor. He felt stupid. "What the smeg was I thinking, I can die anyway. I must be going nuts." Getting up was the hardest part, the heat had caused slight but not severe burns to his back, but while pulling himself up the whole ship shook. It had knocked him back down to the ground, where he lied for over five minutes.


	2. Chapter 2: A Second Chance

After the ship stopped shaking, Rimmer panicked. He didn't know what to do or how tosave his own hide. He heard a whoosh of air coming from a nearby airlock. The door opened, and a man wearing a shiny coat, back to front brown wig and a pair of biker glasses stepped out. Quickly, he grabbed Rimmer and pulled him down the corridor. In an over-the-top macho accent he yelled, "Follow me." and follow he did. Now Rimmer didn't know who the hell this man was. Or what he was doing here 3 million years in deep space. All Rimmer knew was to run, run with him. And run he did. He didn't care that running hurt him. He didn't care that his back was aching with each stride. He just wanted to get out of there.

The two ducked and weaved through the crumbling halls of Red Dwarf, almost poetry-like until they walked through one of the doors separating the corridor. Rimmer, not knowing if this is what he wanted, opened the door with his clearance code and the two stepped through. The man with the shiny coat, shut the door, locked it, and pulled out a white substance. Rimmer didn't get a good look at the chemical, but when the man poured it on to the ground, it moved. The white milky substance moved under the slight crack in the door, and all the flames stopped. The ships hull integrity had been preserved, and Rimmer was the only registered crew member on the ship. He was the new captain."FAN-SMEGGING-TASTIC!" he yelled with a surge of energy, even though the burns were scorching his back.

Rimmer still didn't know who the smeg this man was. Who was he? How did he get here? How did he know what to do to save the ship? Rimmer didn't think this was the right time to speak, but when he opened his mouth the words, "Who are you?" just blurted out. The man just looked away.  
"Do you really want to know, you'll never understand," he said in his macho voice. He didn't know what to say; would "Tell me anyway" work or would he need something blunter like "Hit me with it." But when Rimmer went to speak, nothing came out. He thought he would leave it. "But" the man suddenly said, "I think you do need to know."

He removed his biker glasses and back-to-front wig and turned around. Rimmer thought he was seeing things, he shook his head. Yet again the same image, of a man wearing a bright shiny coat looking almost exactly like himself. The only difference was the big H on his forehead, it was covered by the wig before, but now he knew. This man was a hologram. "You're me?" asked Rimmer almost confused by the current situation.  
"Yes Arnold, I am; from a parallel dimension."

This Rimmer explained everything to him. Apparently, he was a Rimmer who had come from this universe. He knew that this ship was disintegrating because his computer, who was madly in love with him, told him that this ship was disintegrating due to a compound named, "Zogothoniumeliumoxiixiexiphulmifhidikalidrihide." Now, because the ship's computer had been to almost every dimension, she knew the formula that would neutralize the corrosive negativity of the formula and which dimension would have it. That formula was "Soliciumfrankolithicmixyalebidiumrixydixydoxydexydroxide." Now, the dimension that would easily provide the formula to neutralize it was in the dimension that Rimmer had earlier visited. The only real difference with the outcome though, was that the Red Dwarf in the parallel universe had neutralized the microbe.

"So," Rimmer said thinking aloud. "What you poured on the ground was the antidote to this formula, how did you get the formula from that universe to here?"  
"Stasis." Ace bluntly stated. "Stasis cannot penetrate time or space, so when I got the formula, I just popped it in stasis and jumped back here. Unfortunately, the microbe does not repair easily. To find your crewmates, you'll need to come with me to find them."  
"Come, with you? You must be joking. Red Dwarf is a ship the size of a city, there is no way that I'll be able to find them."  
"The problem is that when we jump over, we'll need to keep our identities secret. Only the crew from this ship can know that we are from here. There will be another Rimmer, Lister, Cat, Kryten and Kochanski on that ship; and if we encounter them, or allow two of the same people to meet. The consequences will be disastrous."

Ten minutes later, Rimmer was sitting in the back seat of Ace's ship. "Alright there Arnie?" asked Ace.  
"I think so. So what does this 'Dimension Jumping' feel like exactly?"  
"Imagine going on a rollercoaster ride at the speed of light with a ten ton block pressing you into your seat."  
Rimmer thought, "So Practically, you're saying I'll fell more squashed than the meat in a can of SPAM."  
An usually calming woman's voice said, "Ready for Dimension Jump to universe 7534 from universe 8247."  
"Ok Computer, Prepare to jump in five seconds. Arnie. Hold on tight!"


End file.
